As I sit here pondering the years I have gained/lost (depending on how you look at it) , I don't really know how to place my emotions.  On the one hand, teaching has been a great learning experience, on the other hand, I should never have gotten into a profession such as this at 21.  Do I regret it...hmmm... get back to me on that

Mentally, Im a drifter, a Nomad of the Hippocampus.  I dwell in the realm of memories, learning and emotion.  At times, the reverence of my thoughts can be beautifully disasterous; dangerously explicit; disturbingly abstract.  I cant quite put it into words, but I get lost in my thoughts.  I thrive off of sweet words that I can revist in my "brain movie" later.  I love to learn new things that I can sift through and come up with my own theories.  I feed off of love stories and the idea of true love forever, as impossible as it may sound, I want it.  I live in my mind because reality isnt good enough for me. 

My point: I feel as if time has always alluded me.  Time has played hide and seek with me, and has yet to be found.  Time is my enemy and my ally.  We have a love hate relationship and I think most people feel the same way.  The difference? Time is a major downfall for someone like me.  A thinker...

My boyfriend cant seem to understand how I can think so far into the future, but I cant understand how he doesn't.  I like when he takes over my "brain movie". I spend so much time concentrating on what I want to do, and what I want to accomplish, that I don't concentrate on what I am doing right now.  He is like a brief intermission of sorts; cant play my movie when I talk to him.  But he isnt a planner. Isnt right now just the time needed to plan for later? As I type that I realize that my thoughts my be distorted.  First step is realizing you have a problem right!?!?!?!?

My fear?  That I am only a thinker but not a do-er.  That I am a planner but not a follow through-er.  I always have such grand and beautiful ideas but in the end, the idea overrules the actuality; doesnt it.  They always say that you are always harder on yourself.  Is that true?  Who am I?  What am I supposed to be?  What kind of life is there for someone who thinks more than they "do"?    Will I ever be happy with what I have?  Live in the now?  Am I really learning to be more carefree like i think (i think so :) )Or am I doomed to being absorbed within the confines(or lack there of unfortunately) of my mind?

Fuck it... Ima start smoking weed

1. Why is it that all the things that taste so good are all the things that are so bad for you?
2. Why does black hair take so long to grow?
3. Why do babies smell so good?
4. Why is weight easy to put on and hard to take off?
5. Is it better to be a jack of all trades OR a master at one?
6. Why do people spend so much time talking about the sin of premarital sex instead of the others, like judging, sloth, and jealousy?
7. Why does it sometimes take a disaster to bring us closer together?
8. Why do some pastors roll like pimps?
9. Why does it take most men longer than women to be ready for marriage?
10. Why does TV feed girls these perfect fairytales and ultimately fuck them up emotionally?
11. Why does God love us so much when we don't deserve it?
12. Why are some women so dependent on a man that they can never be single?
13. Why do some women/men become so weak for a man/woman that they will allow him/her to treat them like shit?
14. Why is this new generation of students so damn unmotivated to succeed?
15. Why do I still have to work harder than a man?
16. Why did I entertain the antics of this "friend" for so long?
17. Should we go into situations with immediate trust or should we make people earn it?
18. Do you wish on stars?
19. Is it better to have goals and never reach them, or to be content with mediocrity?
20. What is about to happen to education in America?
21. When God shows you that people in your life no longer have a place there, how do you just let them go?
22. Is everyone ELSE fucked up, or is MY idea of friendship just wrong?
23. What is my reality?
24. Am I ever going to pick one career or am I going to be trying something different forever?
25. When is the idea of "beautiful" going to change in the media?
26. Why am I here?